Fugit Hora: Memento Mori
American Mourning traditions of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century conjure up feelings of interest, shock, and sometimes disbelief to those living in the twenty-first century. Once commonplace customs that were held near and dear to the hearts of the Victorian’s are now rarely practiced or considered downright macabre.
It was considered appropriate etiquette for the bereaved to adorn mourning attire – black or suitably dark clothing for both men and women – for lengthy periods. The practice of post-mortem photography was a common ritual. Mourners would wear jewelry made from the hair of the deceased or engraved with their name and death date. Special memorial cards were printed, and portraits were commissioned that depicted the deceased as if alive, but with subtle indications of death, such as bouquets or a single flower, held facing downward.
Victorians had a way with subtle nuisances that were not only expected of one in mourning but were encouraged. According to A Time to Mourn: Expressions of Grief in Nineteenth Century America: “The nineteenth century etiquette of widowhood required a full year of dressing entirely in dull black attire, followed by a second year of gradual phasing in of other colors. This custom was paralleled in other matters, including even the stationery, and calling cards of the mourner – which required a quarter-inch black border that narrowed progressively during the two years immediately following the death of a spouse.” (26.) While the exact timelines for what is considered “appropriate mourning periods” differed for spouses, friends, and family, the thickness or thinness of the black border would notify the recipient of the letter or calling card as to what stage of mourning the sender was in.
Upon the death of Fall Riverite Sarah Submit Brayton, aged 81, the Fall River Women’s Union sent flowers to one of her surviving nieces and namesake, Sarah Chaloner Brayton, on September 8th, 1915, three days after her passing. Miss Brayton, in turn, sent a thank you letter for the roses on September 30th.
Notice the beautifully monogrammed mourning stationery with a clean and elegant black border and matching envelope. Once considered essential for a woman of high society, now serves as a memento to a dying American custom.
